And I have Failed Already

Ramadan is here, but I have not accomplished any of my goals, other than fasting and barely making my prayers five times a day.

I'm anxious for school to start. I don't want to leave town and see any of my family members. They give me too much anxiety.

Some people are anxious and they react by putting a lot of effort into things. I get anxious and depressed and shut down. I retreat into my cave. Part of me feels like if I had someone who was constantly guiding me and pushing me to get everything I need to done then I would be much better off. I realize that, with a couple exceptions, when I'm busy and constantly moving, I don't get depressed. The exception, of course, being in the last blog post.

Before I left camp and we were in the Skills Tournament Finals, the lab leaders were giving an overview of the lectures they were offering and I had to hold myself back from crying because everyone was going to learn so much and I was leaving. And then one of the lab leaders looked at me because I had this horribly depressed look on my face and said, "Next year," and it was, at least in that moment, all okay.