Where do I find the line between clutching my memories and completely letting them go?

I'm an extremely nostalgic person. I hold onto my memories and remember certain dates and times. I can tell you how I felt about certain issues exactly a year ago. I remember the day I flew out of the U.S. and headed to Ankara, Turkey (June 6, 2010-almost two years ago!) I remember random bits of my days. I'm committed to writing down every detail of my forensics tournaments because I cherish those memories so much. Remember my yearbook incident? I had as many people sign that puppy as possible and I'm still disappointed that I didn't have the chance to let as many people sign it as I wanted to.

I guess I cling to my memories because I'm depressed. Because living in the present kind of sucks, so I resort to living in the few happy moments of my past.

And I hang on to my happy moments because they're so rare.

That's one of the reasons why I've been afraid to go back on medication. Because I know that sometimes it will numb you. I don't want to give up the extreme happiness I experience-even though I know after every peak there is an extreme valley. I want to have the extreme happies but not the extreme sads. And being in high school, these may or may not be the best three years of my life (I certainly hope they aren't, but you never know). With depression, you can't have both. With medication, you can't have both.

...And this is where I find myself wishing that I could just be normal.