Insomnia

When most people are asleep, I'm awake.

Ever since I was nine, I've been staying up until sunrise and crashing. I don't know if it's a side effect of depression or a sleep disorder, but I have tried EVERYTHING to get me to sleep and nothing seems to work.

Ambien.

Reading for half an hour.

Relaxation CDs.

Hot milk.

Exercise.

Melatonin.

You name it, I've tried it. My psychologist has been telling me I need to get a sleep study for a while now and I need to bug my parents about it more (that's a totally different post).

I've sort of come to accept my insomnia, but at the same time, it drives me nuts. Laying in my bed tossing and turning for hours only to give up and head to my laptop or pick up a book or run to the kitchen is agonizing. The boredom of the wee hours is crushing. There's not much to do at 1 AM, especially when you're confined to a small house. I'm usually left to wallow in my own depression and sulk around, confronted with the fact that I have done nothing extraordinary with my life.

Nights are just plain lonely. There's no one around the house to talk to and nobody online. Speaking of online, the internet is just plain boring (yet addictive, which is an entirely new post). I don't have a lot of books, and there's nothing on TV at this hour.

I don't like living this way. I'm lucky to get five hours of sleep per night.

The lack of sleep is just killing me.